Meloncholy and listening to my new favorite song on repeat this morning. I am addicted to Highlight on the new Storyhill CD. 99.9% of you won't know who they are, but we are in love with them. They are the background music to our lives along with Waterdeep and U2. They sound a bit like Simon and Garfunkle and other folky friends. They have incredibly tight harmonies. You can find more info at www.peppermintcds.com. Anyway, the lyrics go:
Highlight of my life
Dreamer in my dreams
Everything is not only as it seems
Just beneath the rippling surface of the stream
Something even greater weaving us together
(chorus):
Unseen the tie that binds us
Unknown the path before us
Unclouded the sky above
An unbelievable love
Wade in the water hold on to my hand
Current can be strong here but no stronger than I am
if we slip or falter we'll stumble together
(chorus)
More than a morning Sun
I love to be with you
(chorus)
Anyone in love will find this a sweet salve. Loving my husband as I do, I envision this to be about us. Yes, I am still in love with my husband of 5 years and 6 days.
For our anniversary this past weekend, we had the good fortune to go away to a friends cabin without our son. We hunkered down in the midst of two feet of snow and just enjoyed each other and endless quantities of free time. Jon watched Band of Brothers. I crocheted and read. We did things together too; uh hum. In our relaxing the teapot would whistle and we would both jump thinking it was McKinney-oh how we needed the time away. It was heavenly, and for all of you who wished us a nice 5 year celebration-Thank you, we did.
Upon re-entering parenthood, we were delivered a baby with a temp of 104.6F. Reality quickly set upon us as we spent the night awake with im inour bed wondering if we should be heading to the ER. He is getting better slowly, after chest x-rays, bloob tests, and eye drops. We think it is just a cold and bacterial infection in his eye, but for this mother, the worry doesn't stop until the cough and runny nose are gone. Running on 1 night of sleep out of the past 4 has emotionally been taking it's toll. I love that my little boy is so cuddly, but I hate that he is not himself. I am also frustrated with my emotions. I just want to get away from all of this. Poor Jon bears the brunt of my anguish. Last night he was 15min later getting home and I felt seething resentment towards him. We had a talk about it(we don't fight-it's not in either of us) and of course the end was positive.
It's hard being a stay-at-home parent.
Other news, I am wanting to work, but not sure how, when, or where that can happen. I am overwhelmed by all that a job in my life would entail. Determining hours, daycare, salary and what I could handle and enjoy seems HUGE mentally, yet, we need the money and I think that I need to do something outside of mothering and wifing(?). I also wonder if this is my attempt to run away from the depression I feel when I'm stuck at home with myself and a 1 year old for days on end. So far I have just been thinking about it and have acted on the impulse very little. I am praying that God will bring the perfect opportunity and take care of all the details. It's a tall order, but my God is able.
So how about you? What breezes of change and emotion are blowing across the back of your neck?
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5 comments:
This late, but happy anniversary. Give Rumple my love.
hmm...emotion. :) I think for the first time in four years (since Micah was born), I'm beginning to feel in control of my emotions, which is nice...very nice. Well, maybe not in control all the time, but at least I understand where they're coming from and can deal with them better when I feel them coming on. It's not a bad place to be.
It sounds like you guys had a good anniversary, and I hope McKinney is feeling better! I hope and pray as well, that if you decide working outside the home is for you, that God provides you with the perfect job opportunity. I know some moms who work, and who know that they are better moms when they're able to work outside the home for a few hours a day. It's just the way they're wired.
When Jadon was only 4 months old I got a job at Bath & Body works...I'd work an average of two evenings a week, and occasionally a few hours on Saturday. I really enjoyed it. I missed Jadon, but I also realized how much I missed adult interaction. Not to mention, the discount was pretty sweet:) I would go to work only when Dane was home to watch him, so I didn't have to feel guilty about leaving him with someone else. It worked out nicely, and I have since tried going back (I had to quit when I was pregnant with Amberly, because I spent the majority of my days hanging over the toilet, and I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes at a time). I would highly recommend it if it's something you'd be up for. I didn't like working with the young teenie boppers, but I just focused on my work and my customers, and really didn't need to interact with them (teenagers) much, anyway. They have a requirement that you be at least 18 years old to work there, so it's not as bad as could be:) Anyway...it's a great place to work, and the discount helps a TON...it was the only way I could afford quality products to pamper myself:) Hope you find something that suits you!!
Thanks girls. I have thought of going back to Starbucks(worked there while pregnant but quit due to daily puking too). I've also been looking into possible ways to work from home-maybe even a little school. We'll see. GOD KNOWS.
I am glad you were able to get away. Adam and I cherish our vay-k's especially for our anniversary. Our district conference always falls on our anniversary. I should have never gotten married in July. Its too busy!
Peace be with you on the whole job thing. I know I am going to struggle with that when we have kids.
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