Monday, April 9, 2007
Brooding
So I have to decide on whether or not to take a job. If the opportunity had presented itself before McKinney I think I would have taken it. Although, I may have gone for a more cushy, less, money job. But, most likely, I would have taken it. But now, when I look into the face of finding and deciding and paying for childcare, I want to jump back into my hole and shout "no way". It just feels like so much work and such a huge impact upon our families life. Still, the numbers don't add up and more money needs to come from some place and I truly am ready to go to work and I truly believe McKinney will be great with other kids and new opportunities. I just get so afraid of making the wrong decision. I place the weight of the world on my shoulders and demand "Jump this high" knowing I can never make it. Most of the time I just jump back into my hole. I hate risking. I am very calculated except when it means discipline. Anway, someone please give me the right answer. Do I take the job? It is not a life or death commitment. It's just life with so many paths and ways and turns and ups and downs. Why am I so afraid of failing the world and myself? I've already won in Christ right? Still, I feel like a failure and that that is what I will continue to allow my self to be. God have mercy on me a sinner.
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3 comments:
First of all...Rotisserie Chicken is AWESOME. :) About the job...it doesn't hurt to look and see what's out there for you. If you can find a good job, and childcare that's affordable and that you feel comfortable with, and you guys need it, then go for it. Some moms I know love working outside the home- they genuinely feel it makes them better moms. They feel like they appreciate their kids more, and have more patience with them throughout the day because they get a break. That being said, those moms are women who love what they're doing...I think if you hated your job, that'd probably make things worse. :) You never know what you'll find when you look. God might close all the doors completely, and there's your answer. He also might provide you with three or four good options, and say "here you go- pick." I think that as long as we're earnestly seeking God's will for our lives, and genuinely desire what he wants for our lives, and have surrendered our lives to him, then he's not going to let us make a colossal failure out of things. You're a good mom- I know you'll do what's best for your family.
Thanks Kelly,
I do want God's will and know that outside of it there is no happiness. I came across this verse this morning that has helped relese my fear of not liking the job-"Moreover, when God gives any man wealth and possessions, and enables him to enjoy them, to accept his lot and be happy in his work-this is a gift from God." Ecc5:19 I am taking that to mean that God can give me pleasure in whatever work I am doing. He has allowed this opportunity to be wide open for me immediately and so I am going to trust in His goodness towards me. I will still ask all the right questions and probably go in and observe for an afternoon. But I have peace knowing God is way Big enough to keep me out of the wrong spot and in the right one.
That's awesome. :) I hope everything goes well. What kind of job are you looking at taking?
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