Oh!

And is there a way to signup for something that would automatically let me know when someone has updated their blog? We are so low-tech and I do not have the patience to figure it out on my own with our "lovely" dial-up connection today. Thanks

Night shift

So how many of you out there are sharing the child-rearing responsibilites by working odd hours so one parent can always be home with the child? Just wondering how it's working for those folks. We're considering having Jon take up nights in the fall so he would be home with Mac while I work afternoons. Will it really kill our family?

Thanks

To the four ladies who wrote words of support and encouragement, Thank you. I am talking with my chiropractor today about some alternative depression meds and than I will be talking to my psychologist. Pray that we make the best decisions possible and that we find the right meds-I think that is my biggest concern. I keep thinking, "If I just hold on a little longer, it will get better-it's already gotten a little better, so just a little more time....." Than I look at my son and think, how many more days am I going to miss rejoicing over his life?

Liz, your story helps me the most today. Knowing that meds can really make me Feel Different-feel Happy. I can hardly remember what that feels like. So that is my hope for the future. I am so glad you sought help.

Kayla, we will pray for this pregnancy and for your willingness to let go of the things that hold you back from really living life-the book I mentioned would be really good for you to read.

Jo, while reading my book, I thought of you. We may not talk hardly ever, but I still consider you a dear friend.

Gwyn, yes, we do need breaks, and work is a good one. It's christian office and I feel very comfortable there.

So, my friends, another day. Ups and downs all around, but it sure feels good to have people who reach out there hands through words and let you know that they are there for you and care.

Many many thanks.

Sleepless Days

Sleepless days is the title of the book I am currently reading by Susan Kushner Resnick. For all of you out there who have or are suffering from postpartum-READ THIS BOOK. And for those of you who aren't are didn't-READ THIS BOOK. My insides are aching with understanding and tears threaten to overwhelm me.
Last week was hell. I seethed through every day. Was bitter, angry, hateful. Jon had hernia surgery the Friday before mother's day and I was left on that "glorious" day of celebration to fend for myself with a toddler who wouldn't understand why Daddy(his bestfriend) wouldn't allow him to climb all over him. I was just so unreasonably angry. The funk lasted until this past Saturday when Jon left for a fishing trip and I, unable to go back to sleep at 5am had 3 glorious hours to myself to drink coffee and start reading "the power of a praying parent" which I'd purchased over 8 months ago. A switch went off and I've felt like my split personality of peace and joy ever since. I think I may be ready to medicate the depression. I am so afriad that I won't know when the PPD ends and the depression begins. I am so tired of the dark undercurrent that bubbles up when life seems brightest. I just want the anxiety and heaviness to leave completely. I want to be free. I want to find out who I really am. I want to be free to love Jon and McKinney and the whole rest of life without doubting that love.
This is my life today.

Also, I need a sitter for Friday so I can go to work. I found a great job. Now I need a little help with childcare.