I really don't remember the last month. It has been so crazy and hot. I always think I like summer, but than can't recall what I loved. Oh, okay, maybe there are a few things in general I can point to-swimming, bonfires, grilling, meals with friends...but the specifics are hazy. Maybe the heat has friend my brain.
Tuesdays are my day off, so I'm sitting here while Mac naps contemplating the good things in my life, the anxieties on my mind, and what I hope for in the future.
Good things: 1) I found a radio show on cassette that will make Jon VERY HAPPY. For those of you who grew up listening to christian childrens radio programs you may know it-The Pond. I found it at a bookstore that was going out of business and only paid $5 for 5 hours of tape. When we lived out east, Jon intraduced me to it and we'd listen to it every Saturday over breakfast. Now Mac will have that same experience as his daddy did growing up. 2) McKinney is interestedin books. At least, Curious George books. For the past 19months when we have read a book our son would kick, scream, run, throw..you name it he did it other than sit and look and listen. But two weeks ago he became enthralled with George on the TV. He wakes up saying "Jorj, Jorj" and since it's only 7am there's a who hour for him to "be introduced to math and science concepts" through Curious George. This is the first time he's shown an interest or ability to sit still and watch something(not that I'm complaining). So I was at the library past week getting some fun music for Mac and looking longingly at the books my son would avoid like the plague, and it hit me, "Try a Curious George book". So I found two and brought them home. Low and Behold, my son likes books. We read Curious George and the Dump Truck 6-10times a day, but I am just so happy he will sit and look and listen. He even looks at them by himself while I'm in the shower. So Yeah for George. I am not an advocate for marketing to children, but this is a real blessing to us. Needless to say, we will be making a trip to hte bookstore this week to purchase our own copy of Curious George and the Dump Truck. 3)Ice cream. I will buy a gallon today to go with brownies. Nothing beats ice ceam on a hot summer night.
Anxieties: 1)Daycare. Mac starts home daycare next month and I am still having a hard time thinking about it. I should be home with him. I feel that it's my job. Even though working has made me enjoy the time I have with him more, I am stuck in this should mentality. There is a part of me that truly wants to be home fulltime with him, but the rational side sees the benefits of working. So I keep lifting it up before God. 2)Finances. We have a big doctors bill from Jon's surgery and the fact that we need my income is a little stressful. I'll be honest; I'd like it if we had excess money and I could lounge around home, buy lattes, and do whatever it is I'd like to do. That's not our reality though, and it's probably a good thing it's not. God has always provided for what we need(like a $900 check last month that paid most of our credit card debt)and so I don't fret over this much. 3)August. It is a super full month. In-laws are coming, we're leaving Mac with my parents so we can go camping, 10 year reunion......just busyness. I like to have more down time. Give me rest Oh God.
Hopes: 1)I'm really looking forward to camping with Jon. We need to reconnect adn talk about where we're at in life and where we want to go. Do we want more kids, to pursue missions, to live forever in MN..life thoughts and I love being with Jon and thinking of our futre together. 2)Pondering what it means to be me. Now that the depression is moving out, I'm wondering who I am and what it means to be me. Where do I want to be in 10 years. Is being a wife and mother fulfilling me, or is there another niche that I am longing to tap into as well.
So that's me and the present moment. How I'd like a new comptuer so it wouldn't take me all of nap time to connect with my friends. Sorry about not posting pictures. I don't know if I'll ever get around to it. I will try someday, honestly. Hope you are well. We miss you immensly and dream of a time when we can all gather under the stars in a wide open space with our family and yours and reminsce about old times and establish new stories.
Our love to you all!
Renae
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1 comment:
i know what you mean about daycare. my son is going to be starting in two weeks. it's with a woman i know and trust..but still. it's only part-time too..so that makes it better. i keep telling myself it will do him good to be around other kids and away from me for a bit.
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